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Get Religion
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January 2006- InMadrid
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Catholic churches are on every corner, but Madrid has also got some of the spiffiest alternative houses of worship this side of anywhere. Andrew Barsch tries to take a peek behind their closed doors.

Centro Cultural Islámico de Madrid
The people at the mezquita de la M-30, as everyone calls it, seemed a bit wary of my intentions from the get-go, but they did let me take a look at the mosque, an impressively flash variations on the traditional theme. Besides offering a fantastic Sunday Arabic-style brunch buffet, a few of the mosque’s objectives, as handed to me on a flyer, are as follows: “To bridge gaps between cultural, scientific, and social institutions in Spain and the Arab world, in order to a reach a higher level of understanding and mutual comprehension, and to try to create a home for Muslims and a civic forum for Spanish and Madrid society as a whole.” Allah knows, we could use some gapbridging these days. Centro Cultural Islámico de Madrid, c/Salvador de Madariaga, 4, Tel: 91 326 26 10 (Metro: El Carmen/Barrio de la Concepción).

La Iglesia de Jesucristo de los Santos de los Últimos Días
You’ve seen them out and about. Always in pairs, always named Elder, always dressed in suits, spreading the word of the last days of human existence, which are inevitably nigh. The Mormons themselves seem to recognise that impending destruction and polygamy are a bit of a tough sell, especially to those of us accustomed to earthly pleasures. But they certainly have one huge temple over in Moratalaz, a white behemoth containing a hostel, a sports centre, a shop, offices and a Centre for Family History that’s open to the public. Why the need for such a lavish temple for such a humble people? Spokesman Ken Beesley says, “One has to admit that it’s a grandiose and perhaps overambitious construction. Opinions about the architecture of Mormon temples are divided, to say the least. There are Mormons who suspect there is a special place in hell reserved for some of the architects” Yikes. c/Templo, 2, tel: 91 301 76 00 (Cercánias: Pavones).

Sinagoga Masortí Bet El
Spain has one of the lowest Jewish populations in Europe, but there are still four synagogues listed in Madrid – three Orthodox and one Masorti, which is a more conservative denomination. I talked to a Jewish-American expat who gave me a first-hand account of Yom Kippur at the Masorti synagogue Bet El: “Before going into the synagogue, I noticed there were private security guards in suits with microphones in their ears. At the door I was grabbed by a huge guy who asked me all kinds of questions about my Jewish community back home. They made me so nervous, I couldn’t remember anything, but finally they let me in. “The temple is Masorti, but since it’s the main place to go on the holiest day of the year, I saw punks and hippies, as well as folks dressed more normally. Usually, in conservative synagogues, the men are separated from the women, but so many people showed up, the back of the room was all mixed. People were even praying up the staircase. Anyway, it was pretty cool. I knew all the songs of course, and there was a great sense of community, just like going to a temple back home.” Bet Jabad, c/Eloy Gonzalo, 19, 5ª, tel: 91 445 96 29 (Metro: Iglesia/Quevedo); Beth Yaacov, c/Balmes, 3, tel: 91 591 31 31 (Metro: Iglesia), www.comjudiamadrid.org; Bet El, c/Castello, 77, tel: 91 468 11 37 (Metro: Núñez de Balboa), www.bet-el.org; Jasdei Lea, c/General Orgaz, 5, tel: 629 412 741 (Metro: Estrecho).

La Iglesia de Scientology de España
Though I claim to be religiously neutral, I must admit I had less of a problem lying to the Scientologists than at any other place. I went undercover as a newly arrived recruit from Los Angeles, and asked them if I could have a look around the displays about L Ron Hubbard in their huge building just off the Castellana. They gleefully told me, in perfect English, to take my time. I was in, and free to “make myself at home”, but it soon became clear that my leisurely walk around the temple was being carefully monitored, and there was always someone over my shoulder, trying to see what I was writing in my notepad. The aggressively friendly representatives insisted that I leave my name and phone number, so I could be invited back to an upcoming event. When I jotted down a false one, I felt like a fallen angel, doomed to the depths of a Scientological hell. But it certainly feels like there’s a lot of money invested in there, and I didn’t want any of it to be mine. Iglesia de Scientology de España, c/Santa Catalina, 7, tel: 91 209 21 70 (Metro: Sevilla/Antón Martín).

Centro Cultural Hare Krishna
Going from the bells and whistles of the Scientologists to the no-frills approach of the Hare Krishnas in Malasaña is like the difference between a big-budget Hollywood production and an indie film. Both can be equally powerful enough to draw you in, and from there, it’s all a question of personal taste. The bald-headed (apart from that tuft at the back) greeters were all too happy to let me in, offer me some Indian sweets, and fill me in on the centre’s undertakings. Just make sure that you wear clean socks, because the door policy is definitely “no footwear” — you place your shoes on a wooden rack as you enter. Cheaper-than-thou veggie meals, Bhagavad-Gita study, plus chants and songs are a few of the activities on offer. The Hare Krishnas’ sales approach seems to be one of “look how happy we are, how could you not want to join?” Centro Cultural Hare Krishna, c/Espiritu Santo, 19 bajo izq, tel: 91 521 30 96 (Metro: Noviciado/Tribunal). See www.krishnamadrid.com for more information.

If, after all that tough soul-searching, you still haven’t found your calling, you could even make 2006 the year you go faithless, and sign up to the Spanish online atheist group at http://groups.msn.com/Ateos. God probably won’t mind. After several millennia, He/She must be used to it by now.